Frequently Asked Questions
Are you Ready to Search?
What are you expecting?
When you lose control of your search?
Are you ready to meet a stranger?
Will I share your search with your family?
Will you meet extended familty?
What if I don't like who I meet?
What about rejection?
What are you expecting after the reunion?
I need help searching should I hire a professional?
This is a great time to learn more about adoption and being a birth parent.
The suggested reading area has some great information. If you are an adoptee you might want to read "The Girls That Went Away". If you are a birth parent suggestion would be to read "Being Adopted" and "Birth Bond".
Are You Ready to Search?
1. Get a notebook and keep record of date, phone number/email and who you talked to 2. Keep a list of every place you register on line
3. Check the current laws/statutes in your state regarding adoption search.
4. What info you can obtain from the agency, etc.
5. Make copies of your original documents and put the originals in a safe palce
6. Now is the time to consider learning more about being an Adoptee or a Birth Parent and Adopted Parent - Suggested Reading
These are just among a few:
1. Adoptees may search for medical reasons or for family medical history
2. Who Am I?
3. What is my nationality?
4. Why was I adopted?
5. Would like to thank my birth parents.
Birth Parents may search for - among a few:
1. Is the child I placed healthy?
2. Did the adoptee have a good life?
3. Does the adoptee need medical health information?
What are you expecting?
What would you like to happen thru this journey? Do you want to make contact, would you rather someone make contact for you? From person experience, I wanted to make the contact, to experience what the feeling was from the other side and know if I only had one chance to hear them on the phone, that would be my opportunity.
When you lose control of your search
Once you have made the contact, you have lost control of your search. The adoptee/birthparent may not have been thinking about searching. They may not be prepared for your contact.
Searching is like a roller coaster with all it's ups and downs. You are in control of the turns your search takes, speed at which you do your search, but once you make contact with the other person you may be in a waiting mode for their reaction to your contact.
Are you ready to meet a stranger?
The person you meet is no long a young woman or a child. They have grown and started families and they lives continued. Imagine someone in front of you in a checkout line not knowing anything about them. Everyone may not have the same lifestyle, morals, etc. Meeting and getting to know the person for who they are will take time. Be prepared to go slow with your new relationship and be very patient.
Sharing your search with your family
Start to think about how to prepare your family for the news that you have found who you were searching for. An Adoptee may not want to tell the adopted parents because they fear hurting them. A Birth Parent may not have told their spouse or children for their own personal reasons. But when the reunion occurs it is a decision you are going to want to think about.
Meeting extended family
This happens on both sides. Are you ready to meet the birth family side and will you go alone or take spouse, friend? And do you want the birth family to meet the adopted family if they are open to it. Make a list of pros and cons. Discuss everthing and make your decision.
What if you don't like the person you meet?
This is a chance we take, but you have to ask yourself a question,- do we have different lifestyles, type of friends, etc. - and is it better to have your answers and for adoptees to know their medical, then to deal with the questions and not have closure?
Rejection - will it happen to me?
The person you reunite with, doesn't know you as an individual. If a rejection occurs, it isn't you as a person, it is the idea. They may not have told their family and know how to handle the situation. If you thought about and working on search and the other party hasn't.
After the reunion
You have met the birth parent/adoptee and there is a happy reunion and a type of "honeymoon" period. Then things cool off, you don't hear from them for awhile. - Keep communication open and move into your relationship slowly. They don't know you and you don't know them and you have to build the trust. Not everyone want to continue a relationship and that is one of the risk you take in searching.
Will it be a lasting bond - only time will tell.
Remember if the continued relationship goes cold - you still have you answers which is what you wanted when you began your search.
Not every reunion is made for TV. There are many different kinds of reunions and some adoptees and birth parents may not get all their answers. Be grateful for what you are able to obtain.
Hiring a Professional:
Before you hire anyone - make sure you know what your options are using the law in the state that you are searching in. (check state info).
A lot of people want help with their search and have struggled for years to try to find their answers, but are unable to locate.
It is advised to Never pay money up front. The reason for this is, if a company knows what they are doing, money is not required. If they have your funds, what is the initiative for them to search.
Make sure the company/searcher your work with is licensed as required by their state law. A word of caution, if you make an inquiry with a professional and start getting calls from them to get your business, you may want to think twice about using that company . They are wanting your money especially if you have to pay up front. Don't let them force or badger you.
Most or all reputable searchers/searching companies work with a contract. Always ask for a contract. Make sure all your questions are answered regarding the contract before signing and it has a "no find no fee agreement" (if they don't find who you are looking for you don't pay)
Ask for references.
If you would like to discuss your search with us, please give us a call 1-800-455-5574